What's inside?
If I am holding a cup of tea and you bump my arm and my tea spills. Why does tea come out of my cup? Because there was tea inside of my cup. If I was holding a glass of orange juice and my arm was jostled, I would have spilled orange juice. Now, we like to blame the person who bumped our arm for the spillage, but the truth is the spillage of what's in our hearts will spill eventually.
In the early days of our marriage it seemed like we always fought about my weight. Now some of that was what Andrew said, but most of it was connected to the words/lies I believed about myself being worthless because of some or other aspect of my appearance. This can easily be traced back to our childhood where other children or well meaning aunties make comments about our adorable little fat rolls or the like.
I didn't realise that there were different body types and that some fashions looked better on one than the other. My daughter knows easily what she likes and what suits her and if it doesn't she accepts the fashion isn't for her and moves on. I used to internalise that there was something basically flawed with me.
Andrew might make an observation about someone else and I would twist it to be about me, somehow negatively. His words felt targeted at me, and the person that was closest to me had the power to hurt me the most. Often times he would be totally in the dark about how what he said could result in such a dramatic reaction on my part. An innocent comment was suddenly not so innocent and to my heart, felt like a weapon. It certainly did not help when I was asked if I was being overly sensitive or of it was "that time of the month". He tried to get me to understand that if there was a good way to take something and a bad way - he meant the good way. But to me there was only one way and that was the hurtful way.
Truthfully my insides were showing. And the enemy knows what works for you and if it works once, it will be used again and again. I am heavier now than I was then. I have more fat rolls than I did at six. Still don't wear bikini's though - thanks to the shop assistant when I was 13 saying it's such a pity she's a little plump. I was a healthy body weight and should have chosen to allow his words to run off my back, instead of allowing them to find a foothold in me.
This seems to be a woman thing more than a man thing, we all know how a man can walk past a mirror and admire what God gave him. Ever see a woman doing that? Focussing on her eyes, smile, laughter lines? Evidence of a life well lived? No, usually a woman will focus on that one area of her body that she feels is less than perfect and totally ignore the rest of her that is simply amazing.
Is there something that you over react to? An area that you feel much more strongly about than others. You don't understand why you react so strongly and others don't know why or "what's wrong with you? What's your trigger?
Take it to God, ask Him where the lie was first introduced.
Then forgive everyone that He brings to mind.
Say "I choose to forgive :"
Aunty XXX
The girls in high school
The bikini salesman
Forgive me Father/Jesus/ Holy Spirit for believing the lie that you treat me the same way.
In the early days of our marriage it seemed like we always fought about my weight. Now some of that was what Andrew said, but most of it was connected to the words/lies I believed about myself being worthless because of some or other aspect of my appearance. This can easily be traced back to our childhood where other children or well meaning aunties make comments about our adorable little fat rolls or the like.
I didn't realise that there were different body types and that some fashions looked better on one than the other. My daughter knows easily what she likes and what suits her and if it doesn't she accepts the fashion isn't for her and moves on. I used to internalise that there was something basically flawed with me.
Andrew might make an observation about someone else and I would twist it to be about me, somehow negatively. His words felt targeted at me, and the person that was closest to me had the power to hurt me the most. Often times he would be totally in the dark about how what he said could result in such a dramatic reaction on my part. An innocent comment was suddenly not so innocent and to my heart, felt like a weapon. It certainly did not help when I was asked if I was being overly sensitive or of it was "that time of the month". He tried to get me to understand that if there was a good way to take something and a bad way - he meant the good way. But to me there was only one way and that was the hurtful way.
Truthfully my insides were showing. And the enemy knows what works for you and if it works once, it will be used again and again. I am heavier now than I was then. I have more fat rolls than I did at six. Still don't wear bikini's though - thanks to the shop assistant when I was 13 saying it's such a pity she's a little plump. I was a healthy body weight and should have chosen to allow his words to run off my back, instead of allowing them to find a foothold in me.
This seems to be a woman thing more than a man thing, we all know how a man can walk past a mirror and admire what God gave him. Ever see a woman doing that? Focussing on her eyes, smile, laughter lines? Evidence of a life well lived? No, usually a woman will focus on that one area of her body that she feels is less than perfect and totally ignore the rest of her that is simply amazing.
Is there something that you over react to? An area that you feel much more strongly about than others. You don't understand why you react so strongly and others don't know why or "what's wrong with you? What's your trigger?
Take it to God, ask Him where the lie was first introduced.
Then forgive everyone that He brings to mind.
Say "I choose to forgive :"
Aunty XXX
The girls in high school
The bikini salesman
Forgive me Father/Jesus/ Holy Spirit for believing the lie that you treat me the same way.
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